I personally appreciate the idea of a new year and a new slate.
As I get older, my main goals are to work on myself and to continually improve on a human level. To not react in frustration is at the top of my list. especially as the kids get older and are testing us in completely different ways. I jokingly (but not really), said to my friend the other day: “I’m a really great mom when the kids are behaving,” but that’s a topic for another day.
I’m also trying to be more way more mindful of what feels right for me. While that seems a bit selfish to type, on the contrary, it has the opposite effect. Less frustration, less feeling burned out and giving myself to the moments that fill me up: being a better parent, friend, daughter, wife, mother and overall, human.
Easing into 2023
In 2022, I’ve gotten so much better at saying no and not worrying about people pleasing as much. This year, I want to continue that trajectory as it’s felt pretty great. It feels like that’s been the theme for a lot of us over the last few years. Is it because we’re so accessible these days? A quick email, text or slip into the DMs. There are pros and cons, but it has become a slippery slope.
One inner monologue tip that has helped me tremendously is playing a “this or that” game. Let me give two examples:
Someone sends me a DM asking me where something is from, but at the same exact time, one of my kids is asking for my help in something. I’m not able to do both at the same time. I’ll say to myself: what’s more important in this moment – “this or that? or in this case, answering this DM or being present with my kid. The answer is simple. It’s not to say that I don’t value my messages or my online community, but often, we have to make a choice with our time, our energy and how we spend it.
Another example: a woman nudges me so she could get onto the train. Helena of a few years ago would burst out “EXCUSE ME!!” and right after, my heart rate would be elevated and my entire mood would shift. Here, if I play the “this or that” – what’s more important: letting it go, giving her the benefit of the doubt and carrying on with my day and good mood or flipping out and then feeling like shit for the next 30 minutes which in turn, spirals into everything else. Again, the answer is simple.
Next time, pause for a few seconds before you react and ask yourself “this or that” and see how much your inner dialogue can guide you into making a better decision. This has been a massive game changer in how I approach many situations.
In addition to the above, while I definitely wont be practicing dry January or vowing to dine out less, here are some things I want to continue working on:
1. First and foremost, getting back into Therapy. It’s going to be key for my own personal growth and I’m really missing it. If anyone has any New York therapists they recommend, please email me or leave me a comment below.
2. Count to three before reacting to my children in frustration.
3. In fact, try to never respond in frustration to any situation. Let it simmer for a bit. I’ve worked on this a lot over the last few years and it comes with time and practice, but I always remind myself “Do I ever feel good when I simply react?” The answer is no 99.9% of the time.
4. If a person has a great quality I admire, let them know.
5. To piggyback off the above, genuinely compliment strangers on a regular basis. If I like an outfit, let them know. If they have great energy, let them know. So, if they have a great laugh, let them know. That positive energy is so contagious.
6. Worry less about what people think. Worry more about what I think.
7. Challenge myself creatively.
8. Take more (mentally challenging) risks. I’ll elaborate a bit more on this one. Before covid, I was feeling industry burnout. I didn’t really have the urge to attend events and started feeling like my time in that chapter has come. After covid, I began to miss certain aspects of that life. I have become way choosier with what I commit to, but I’ve also became okay with attending many things solo after having so many of my industry friends move away. I’ve actually loved challenging myself to walk into a party without a friend and 9/10 times, the night would end in a great conversation, someone I may have not otherwise spent some time with. Something about challenging yourself in that type of situation feels so rewarding.
That’s really it. Of course I have other goals and habits I want to stay on top of, but it’s the above eight things that are really my focus of doing the work.
How about you? Please share so we could all potentially benefit from it! Follow me on Instagram for more updates.
14 comments
Natalie
Great tips! I am definitely working on a lot of these as well, especially working from home with a toddler I find myself struggling with doing either job well- trying to make sure I have more set time for each so I’m not always being pulled in 2 directions and feeling guilty about it.
January 4, 2023Docdivatraveller
Such a motivating post! Love the this or that concept and of course counting till 3 before reacting to the kids! I have been experiencing industry burnout myself too and somehow I have been feeling lost. I still enjoying writing blogs more than making reels. Really clueless to where this industry is headed.
January 4, 2023http://www.docdivatraveller.com
Andrea Leet
This is a really great post. A lot of it resonates with me and what I want to work on as well.
January 4, 2023MONICA
Love all of these!! Thank you for sharing! 💗
January 4, 2023Kyleen
Great post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, made me really think.
January 4, 2023Ash
LOVE this. I am especially grateful for your
January 4, 2023willingness to share, and the idea to count to three before reacting to my children in frustration. Thank you ❤️
Cynthia
I love this! Complimenting strangers always makes me feel so good
January 4, 2023Nadia
Game changer for me is to replace complaining with gratitude. Having two kids under the age of 3 and a full time demanding job, I was complaining far too much (messy house, lack of sleep, no time for myself). I didn’t realize that energy REALLY is contagious. Now when the house is a train week I take a deep breathe and say how thankful I am to have two beautiful healthy children that have made a home for me etc.
January 5, 2023Gina
Great post thanks for sharing.
January 19, 2023Tayani Dental Group
This is AMAZING. I am particularly appreciative of your openness to share, as well as the suggestion to count to three before reacting angrily to my children’s behavior when I am frustrated with them. Thank you ❤
February 3, 2023Alexes
Your Dog is so cute! and you look so Beautiful!!
February 10, 2023Anaheim Dentist
My advice based on your article would be to challenge yourself by taking more mentally challenging risks, such as attending events alone and engaging in conversations with new people. By pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, you may discover new opportunities and connections that you may not have otherwise encountered.
May 10, 2023Ghayas
It’s wonderful to see your commitment to personal growth and self-improvement. Taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is essential, and seeking therapy is a great step in that direction. If you’re looking for New York therapists, I would recommend exploring online directories or platforms that connect individuals with mental health professionals. These resources often provide comprehensive profiles and reviews to help you find the right therapist for your needs.
In addition to prioritizing your own growth, your intention to respond with patience and mindfulness in frustrating situations is commendable. It’s important to remember that our reactions can significantly impact our own well-being and the atmosphere around us. Pausing and asking yourself the “this or that” question can be a powerful tool for making conscious choices and responding in a way that aligns with your values.
Complimenting others and expressing genuine appreciation is a beautiful practice that can spread positivity and create meaningful connections. Your focus on embracing creative challenges, taking risks, and being open to new experiences is inspiring. Stepping out of your comfort zone and attending social events solo can lead to unexpected connections and personal growth.
While you’re working on your goals, it’s important to remember that taking care of your physical health is just as crucial. Alongside therapy and personal development, it’s beneficial to have access to reliable healthcare resources. Online doctor consultation can provide convenient and accessible healthcare advice when needed, ensuring that you prioritize your overall well-being.
Here’s to a fulfilling journey of growth, self-discovery, and positive connections in the year ahead. May you find joy, balance, and fulfillment in all aspects of your life!
July 3, 2023hassaantravelot
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