There are some weeks when Keith works such an intense schedule, that a lot of the parental responsibility falls on my shoulders.

Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend that we don’t have help. We have a nanny three times a week – someone we would not survive without. Yet, even with the extra help there are some days, mainly when Keith is knee deep in a project, I feel like the parental/workload + everything else is a major juggling act. It takes practice, skill and trial & error to really make it feel like you’re winning at life.

When I shared the above picture of my kids and I at a restaurant together, I got a few comments like, “Oh! I’ve never taken both of my kids to a restaurant without my partner. The thought stresses me out..”  For us, it’s something we’ve been doing since Sasha was a baby. Sure at first it was a bit stressful but with anything, the more we did it the easier it became. In fact, it’s something I’ve started to look forward to. We’re able to spend quality time together and ultimately, having ‘fed kids’ means there are a few less things I have to do.

This made me think about how parents all have their own strengths. While I don’t mind being a little more spontaneous and going with the flow in many cases, I’m not the most organized parent my nature.

It was also that photo that prompted someone to message me the below and to start this conversation.

12 Tips on Solo Parenting

When I turned to this incredibly community on Instagram stories and asked what tips you had at solo parenting. There were so many great answers! I’m sharing the one that really resonated with me:

Don’t Tell Yourself It’s Going To Suck

I mean, this could really apply to anything in life! How many times have we went into a parental situation and started thinking negatively right off the bat? It rarely accomplishes anything and does more harm than good. I’ve started to really go into situations thinking (and actually saying to myself), “This is going to be great!” or “How lucky am I to have this experience…” It helps!

A Flexible Schedule

One common thread is that a schedule of some sort is key. For some, it might be a bit more structured and for others, like myself, it’s a little looser. One thing for sure, a schedule helps everyone know what to expect and helps minimize meltdowns. To this day, I have to give Nate countdowns and provide him preparation for almost everything: “Fifteen more minutes at the park!” or “TV for ten more minutes and then we’re going to eat dinner..” I will also use Alexa to help with the alarm and timer so he know’s it’s not just me. Someone also mentioned that they always tell their kids the steps of what they’re doing and that seems to help a lot.

Prepare The Night Before

To piggyback off the above: While I’m not a Type-A over planner, I’ll admit that when I plan and prep, it’s a much smoother ride for all of us. Right now for the night before, I minimally prep the coffee machine, put together most of Nate’s lunch and lay out his clothes for the next day. On the mornings that I don’t do this, I’m a hot mess. I’m crankier, snappier in mood and my energy trickles down to everyone in the house.

Expect Less

Someone mentioned that solo parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Just enjoy the crazy, the messiness and know that you’re making special memories.

Lower the Bar

One mom mentioning serving PB&J’s for dinner on a blanket and calling it a picnic. Absolutely love this idea!

Pick Your Battles

“When I stopped trying to control everything, I felt more calm..”

A Calm Voice is Always Needed

This one really resonated with me. There have been instances where I’ve really lost my shit. I’d scream, yell and in the end, none of us feel good from it. On the occasions when this happened, Nate would also end up screaming out in frustration and as a result, Sasha would start crying. A complete mess all around. Of course, all of this is easier said than done. Taking a solid deep breath when I’m at my wits end has helped.

In those moments where I want to snap, I breathe in and say to myself, “Freaking out right now will cause more harm than good.” It doesn’t always work but with practice, it does more often than not. In those instances when I don’t know what to do: I walk away for a minute, take a few deep breaths, give myself a pep talk and then approach the situation with a little more control of my emotions.

“When I’m about to lose my shit, I breathe and count to three. It usually works.” 

To echo the above again.

“Remembering it’s more my issue than theirs. My anxiety, my limitations. Kids are adaptable” 

Whenever I’m in a new situation, I’m always reminded of just how adaptable kids are. As parents, we often forget that it’s us causing the unnecessary stress, not the kids.

CBD Helps. 

A few people mentioned CBD and I really have to agree. I recently started incorporating CBD (Equilibria) into my life after I found my anxiety started to bubble and this really helps take the edge off.

Dance Parties

“Telling Alexa to blast a favorite song and dancing kills so much energy and it’s fun!” This is so true. We’ve had meltdown situations with Nate and whenever we dance it out, we end up having more laugh than tears.

“Get over the shame of takeout dinner and screen time and take the pressure off.”  

Thoughts on these? Please feel free to add in the comments!